A letter to my deceased mother

Dear Mom, You passed away awhile ago and well life has never been the same since than. You knew I would have a hard time with this. It's crazy but at 65 years old when I think of you I still feel like a teenage kid searching for some help from Mom! I never really got to tell you I think Dad was the one who messed everything up with my career which caused us all so much trouble. When I got divorced from my first wife, who I am certain had at least one affair with a psychologist in Florida when I was doing my internship, it was Dad who told me to quit my new residency training program in Phoenix and go see a psychiatrist. I don't believe I asked his advice of all people. I know you would have told me not to let the bitch I was married to ruin my career after all of those years of hard work to become a physician and you would have told me to take the weekend off and just go back to work on Monday morning. At a time of weakness in my life I took Dad's advice and my career was completely ruined. In fact I'm certain things would have never even gone that far with career problems if you had more to say about things all along. When I first graduated from medical school it was Dad than too who told me to go to New York State to see a psychiatrist before starting my first planned residency program that I had wanted in Hawaii and that I was being recruited for after my senior electives there. I went along with Dad because he was such a great guy when I was growing up and we went fishing together and traded the market together and everything and I gave him blind trust. I didn't realize than it's really doctors themselves who ruin their own colleagues who see psychiatrists. I was very naive as a newcomer in the profession and thought as a colleague the psychiatrists would simply offer affirmative prevention and even good treatment if needed. That's obviously not what they do. You never knew all of this. I just don't know what happened. Life got so hard with all the problems that arose and all that time overseas to escape the associated police brutality and blacklists that came up in the country. We just never really took time to go out to lunch again and just talk like when I was a kid. You never got to see Katherine and Christopher growing up. They're great kids. They miss you and always needed a nice grandmother like you. They cried with me when you died. Rob went insane with his god damned wife Patty when you died. They tried to put me in the streets while the estate was going through probate so they could get everything. Things got so horrible for awhile I ended up divorced again but I got legal custody of the kids because of the family estate assets and we like each other a lot. Their mother had an affair just like my first wife and they didn't think that was very nice of her so they sided with me in the divorce. Katherine and Christopher became my entire life really---They keep me grounded. Rob and his wife passed away. But before they died he and his son cornered more than 50% of the family estate. I read the will carefully which seems to have made that possible and I realized Dad wrote that kind of will and just told you to sign it and that everything would be OK. He always did things like that with legal matters. I know you meant it when you told me the last time I saw you that you wanted me to have 50% of everything you had. Dad clearly changed and took a hate out for me when I started blasting his friend Dr Edeiken and the psychiatrists for actually making me sick and ruining my entire career. Dad was like that, never accepting criticism or responsibility for things he messed up. So it 's a sad story how he and I ended up not liking each other later in life. I know you were often very sad about the way he was about such things and you cried a lot over the years over all of that. I ended up very sad about all of this too. It's a terribly corrupt system. The FBI makes headlines busting a politician over $10,000 in misappropriated campaign funds and yet they turned their back on over $1 million being diverted out of my end of the family estate. The agents don't care how much this will hurt Katherine and Christophers future chances in life as long as they can continue taking me down for hitting the country so hard over using psychiatrists to torture people instead of to help them just like the Communist Chinese and Communist Vietnamese do! The FBI obviously denies my allegations and just keeps blindly insisting America is the greatest no matter what's going on! You and Dad saw this kind of problem coming on when that jerk psychiatrist, Dr Pearlman, helped Edeiken finish me off in Texas to try to shut me up already about human rights abuses by our country's psychiatrists. We all knew I would fight this and now I'll never shut up about it until I'm dead after all the hard work I put into becoming an ethical and humane physician! Isn't that the kind of physician Dad and you would have wanted me to become? I'll miss you until the day I pass away too. Rob wouldn't even tell me where you were when you were in the hospice. I wanted to see you again to say goodbye! Love, Hal